CATERPILLAR

CATERPILLAR

=============================================UDDALAK BANERJEE

A caterpillar often moves from one leaf to another blissfully unaware of the threats that 
may lie in store of it.Soon when the stage of maturation occurs it makes a cocoon and 
transforms into a butterfly.When i was young i used to often dream of a place far away 
where there were blue clouds ,high mountains ,a house and a river.A river where there were
millions of fishes small,big,medium.Sunlight would come and go time and again and time would 
move along silently step by step.But then what one wants or dreams often never meets the 
light of reality.While the reality stands crowded with a population of 3 crore in just a 
city like kolkata .The congestion for space is nothing new all across the globe as the world 
population keeps increasing everyday at a brisk pace.With commercialisation and evergrowing 
competition soon filling up the breathing space of life .IT is often hard to just keep 
breathing.

yesterday,i met with an old man one of my distant relatives.He sat in his hospital bed 

reclined to the wall.His eyes had grown experienced .His expression was unique .Silent

and strangely passive .Perhaps he has left the struggle of life.IT was hard to imagine him 

as an avaricious man who used to strive hard in life for success.His eyes today were 

dreamless ,sleepless and hopeless.HE had migraine and would not live many days.I did not 

initialy want to visit him because i did not like to see pain ,sufferings of people for it 

used to push me into a mental state of sainthood.I used to feel as a child to be constantly 

called upon by nature to be part of it .TO live a life far away from society into the 

wild.To live and hear the nature to speak everyday.But then the wild are receding with 

advancing commercial gaints who are but conquering and selling of every tool of nature to 

garner more wealth .

The old man was not expecting me . Once i was there he asked ,"did u face any trouble to be 

here?"

I said " NO No..it was ok..so how ru ?"

old man looked outside and said with a deep breath," just waiting to find communion with the 

soul."

I said," sir how do you feel away from all the hustle and bustle now?"

old man said ,"the initial phase was tough when i first came here leaving the ever busy 

schedule of wealth creation.(Smiles) . I now feel everything as the same.Standing here and 

there is of no great difference.Whatever i have will decay someday through the hands of this 

generation or the next"

I said,"sir when u sleep how do you feel..do you feel lonely?"

old man said,"everyone is lonely at heart uddalak.U tell me have u ever seen two persons to 

die simultaneously apart from an accident ?.The spirits traverse unseen lands and become at 

one with nature .The nature and God are both always same."

I said,"BUt sir dont you feel pain?"

The expression on the oldmans face changed,He said," Uddalak it is life it operates in 

circles.U will make friends u will make enemies.At times i recount old words said to people 

which might not have been right.Sometimes i recount what if that was different.I also do 

feel at times desperation to change them all.I feel like had it been today i would have 

definately not said them this.But they are lost now lost where i dont know."

I said,"but that can be changed isn't it? everything if u feel it wrong from the bottom of 

the heart u can definately try to change and u may end up changing it!"

The old man said,"philosophy is not always the answer.Sometimes it is reality which takes 

course.Not always like a film does the ending come moralistic.Infact it never so happens 

that the remark of any particular person remained for ever.Life is a circle i told u .IT 

operates in a loop.U start u end and the memory gets flushed.WHen u grow old u will realise 

ur vision is growing weak,your limbs are growing weaker.U will struggle to adjust.U will 

want to live like before but u will be made to adjust.IT is nature no permanent hero or 

heroine is there it is all images that one paints on others through persona and deeds.The 

image becomes bleak and bleak and slowly it becomes nonexistant.Thousands of people have 

lived here in bengal whom u never knew and will never know who might have done great deeds 

and yet history bears no trace of them.Those that are mentioned in history may have won the 

race of time and distinction but in the end when u die what difference does it make.When 

take a rebirth u wont know who that guy was who had done those deeds.Besides as the 

generation gap increases deeds often lose significance and remain just as a forced mark of 

honour which sufercially people mark just for the sake of it."

I said,"sir how are u feeling now?"

The old man said,"i want to see you again.i tend to forget everything these days .Next time 

when u come i may forget i had ever spoken to you"

I said,"sir it is obvious with age it happens"

The old man hold my hand as if not allowing me to go.

I stood there for a while .I said,"time has its hold on all our lives sir.IT would not allow 

me to go defunct.I wil have to leave and join work again but it was great to talk to you"

Tears suddenly filled the old mans face,he said,"i am a good man uddalak.all my life i have 

tried hard to give as much performance i could.i wanted to be good and others to speak good 

of me. Today in death bed i get to see very few people.As if my chapter has ended.My hearing 

is growing less too.I feel as if i am not able to hear anything from anyone anymore.it is 

almost a vaccuum. I have tons of things to say.In dreams i feel i am in a lift and it is 

falling rapidly.I want my parents to hear me at times.I want them to listen to me condole 

me.Unite with me.Talk to me and take away this lonelyness.I want to feel them with their 

touch which i keep searching for in the bed but it is so not there.I struggle to exist to 

coexist with the gradual depleting memory ."

I said,"can i do anything for you sir?"

He said,"please do come again.I feel happy to have seen people whom i met in life"

I took leave and came home that day.When i was about to go to sleep his words were 

constantly sounding on my brain. I was not able to sleep. I went outside in moon light.I 

found a caterpilar moving about in the branch.I became thoughtless and focussed on it.After 

sometime it was lost.I searched for it.There was a nest nearby that was more of a cacoon.IT 

was dense.I did not know the caterpillar i saw was this one or not as it had already formed 

a cocoon .I did not stir it for i felt it would disturb its transition.

Next day morning,when i went there i saw the cocoon is not there and someone or something 

had disturbed it.The caterpillars half transformation had taken place but then it has 

stopped breathing.I felt sad all day .That very day i got the news of that old man and that 

he had passed away.I went to the hospital.Nurses said that the relatives have already taken 

his body.Now in his place lay a new patient in ward no 123.

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